The Phallacy of Fatherhood

Men are the powerful ones I often hear. We men are the ones that get all that we want. And that may be true in some domains, but not all.

Men do not get the right to be a parent without the consent of a woman. (The exception is via rape and this is rightly condemned.  However, note that in this case, conception depends on the vagaries of nature first, and then the woman's choice second.  In the modern, Western world, abortion is generally available on demand, especially if conception was via rape). 
Once a woman consents to conception, it is interesting that she gets all the congratulations. Everyone comes up and rubs her tummy, smiles and says well-done. No-one is rubbing his genitals and saying 'well done'!

In the first instance, men need a woman's consent to contribute to conception. They must then hope like hell that they were the only one invited to contribute. Apparently their hopes will be for nought in some minority of cases.

In the second instance, he needs her consent to be allowed access to the kids, and still hope like hell that he was the one that contributed at conception!

Men, who are so often considered to be limited in their use of intuition, must choose to love a child without knowing for certain it is theirs. The woman knows, the man must trust his feelings.

A man's role as a parent, and so his love of 'his' children, is based on a promise, or perhaps quite simply trust.

Not truth, but trust. When men choose to be a father, they give trust, they give it wholeheartedly, body and soul. They trust their woman to harbor their sperm, and no other's, to give their piece a chance. A greater act of trust is difficult to imagine.

Someone, I don't know who, once said "It is easy to become a father, it is hard to be a dad."
To join the father 'hood, to become a dad requires some major commitments with few guarantees. Dad-dom is won by a little pleasure while not wearing a condom. Fatherhood is won by hard work as captured in this diagram.

A man that steps up to provide for a child should be commended, not condemned. His commitment to the role of father is based on a nebulous connection, nothing more than faith and love. Contrast this with the role of mother that, from the very first instance, is based on a natural physical connection.

In the theatre of reproduction, she is the star, the central performer. He may get a view from the circle, the stalls, or may even be unaware there's a show going on. How does this play out for his role as a father in the longer run?

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